So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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