i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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