and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
