I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
