i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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