dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Jerry, you need to find god
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Randomize
