Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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