I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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