He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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