it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
