you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
