Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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