just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
