i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
