i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
