Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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