I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
