I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
