i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
