You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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