She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This baby is an asshole
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
