Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
