Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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