I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
