god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
