You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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