can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
