how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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