It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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