lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
