Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
