I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
