Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So many bounce houses so little time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
