Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
