my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
