dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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