My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
