if you like me you must not know who I am
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
