Ambien. No doubt about it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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