sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
