So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize