There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
