I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
