just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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