She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
