drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
