We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
