Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
