I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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