2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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