can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I FOUND THE LEGS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
