Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
