so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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