should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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