I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
