I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
worst night to have a conscience
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
