I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
