it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
