so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
