Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
