Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
