you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
