whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
