Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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