You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
