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• (614): View more from Ohio

  woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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• (562): View more from California

  Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas

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• (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.

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• (650): View more from California

  No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem

  (850): View more from Florida

  #reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.

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