Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
