I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
