the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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